Why I don't do sharing anymore?

shalom everybody. it's been long time I haven't post any entries.. well, busy schedule and have several mental  depression. well, that okay.. :) I'm fine and better. Well its about 5 years I've been not giving any sharing for another brother and sister in Christ. When I was in the high school, I starting to give sharing to another people after my turning point dream. Form 2 which the phase of changing point of my faith.. day after day, i began to realize that God always by my side and True!! Well, continue to opened my eyes, I've began to develop my mature side and cover by my immature side through my behavior, a very childish and cannot be trust from outside while inside screaming for attention and trust. At that time, senior still conducted the gathering or fellowship for the all the Christian's friends. Well, they used to be combine fellowship for all domination of Christian but then its only last for 2 or 3 weeks when the fellowship were banned by the school authority and that don't stop the gathering at all. Well, gathering continue as time passed by. Entering form 3, our batch were taking control over the gathering when someone suddenly because too Holy by human eyes. But it don't last as he choose another path which to cover his guiltiness over the other believer for make an extreme changes on gathering. Later than in the reformation of the gathering, I join with several girl friends to make the things alive. Being part of them, I began to give sharing frequently and by the way I've been giving sharing also in form 2. Enjoy to give sharing, the things I've afraid is mislead them and make the stray from they faith. I been giving sharing from form 3 until my end of life in the high school. I getting to know many people from giving sharing and that what fill over my life in high school. Although, I might be controlled by pride and jealousy at that time. This was my life as Christian in MRSM KK.

after end my high school life, I've enter university, UTP. we been approach by the CSS at the end of the orientation. enter uni make my life fall down to the lowest people which, I've became just ordinary man with no pride and full of humbleness. I've been sacrificing many things to other people. I'm not longer give sharing but still giving my all time sharing about my dream. I'd remember about the lent when I'm sharing about  glass of coffee. I've been lower myself and let everybody wins on any argument. People don't respect me, don't trust and that make me more lower myself. I can no longer trust myself either. I'm alone and lack of attention. Just the time I'd tried to make myself confident by travelling to another campus for PCC but then being back stabbing by own CSS's President at that time. 2012 its was the most suffer years of all time. previous years, I'm happy being elected as PCC representative from UTP from previous excos and president. After the President re-announce the board, I've feel like a light saber strikes from behind. He even does tell me that I'm not longer a PCC representative and act me just I can accept that kind of shock. The previous PCC very shock with that decision. I began to ignore my presence from them. I've being depressed, sad and angry. Well, no one trust me at that time. I've been out of mind, cannot express out my feeling. And God's will, He sent someone who keep me sane till this time. And right now, I can finally walk on my path straight. And still, I'm stop sharing to take care of all people hearts. They are brother and sister in Christ.

I guess this just a surface about what i'm saying.. By the way, thanks for read. :)

p/s God bless you all!!!

Entering Jan 13

while entering this new year.. the lots of challenge face to face new chapter of life... every person on the earth  had on story of the own... different path, different family, and different belief... Enter the new year left all the chapter before behind and make a new chapter of life... 

LETS THE JOURNEY START:

To understand the entering of 2013.. lets hear story the from the previous month (December 2012) as important as the continuation the legacy of 2013... My December just an ordinary December as usual year before... nothing special.. spending time alone at home while the other younger siblings and mother went back to my mother's hometown (Kg. Tinompok, Tambunan), my father went to KL for his thyroid therapy at KL hospital and my big bro still in Cheras for his study... left me alone with the cats and dogs... but I'm not afraid at all... because my cats were my best friends at home... after i gone from home... they will search for my presence as they also a creature create by God.. my cats were missing me and solemnly without my presence... even they came back home after I calling they're name... well... i being alone with cat but luckily I've been invited by my high school friends to celebrate Christmas with them... i with open heart accepted they invitation and its was 18/12/12 i  guess at located at One Borneo Hyper mall ball room.. even though no enough food over they... but the Christmas spirit can be feel that time... and later on, I became my friend's driver because they want to back to their hostel earlier (UMS).. first time entering UMS was enough to describe a "SAKAI" guy like my.... and after that I being alone again until I fetch my cousin from KKIA and directly went to Tambunan for 4 day (20-24) because needs to fetch up again my big bro and dad from KKIA also.. they funny things is my cousin should fetch them but at the end I fetch them and made it on time and still have time to eat McDonald... arrived at home... I thought we will be back to Tambunan at that night I fetch them and I left all my belongings for Christmas at they... having some argument with dad and finally me and my cousin back to Tambunan the Christmas Morning... No wonderful Christmas for me.. being alone for almost 20 years at Christmas Eve but only a flying message throughout the world be my friends... later on Tambunan, I've managed to arrived at my mom's hometown and get ready for the Christmas's Mass (Holy Cross Toboh)... luckily me and my cousin bring back my bro car to Tambunan and I use that car get to they church earlier and park beside my other cousin car... what a coincidence... hmm... nothing special happened.. just having Christmas Mass and then back to rest and have to deal with every years "merajuk" birthday girl... to be honest I hate this my youngest sister for always being like that for almost every year in 12 years.. well.. having party and visit the late grand-father and cousin grave... being the tradition for the family to pay visit for them so they will happy in heaven because being remember... the Christmas season is end with the coming of my aunt wedding and it was my last aunt from my mother's siblings getting married... we having preparation for her wedding at "balai raya" and decorate everything that necessary... reach the wedding day.. shit happened... on the way me and cousin going to bought the wine for toast.. the car starting to shows the impact of "shocked" means the car never go far from KK and use to go Tambunan and the car unable to start... its kill some times and causing me not attending the wedding ceremony at Church... but happened another things which helping my uncle to bought many bundle of ices for "beer" only... the wedding  not quiet "meriah" because mostly people came and go home... at least they were food being prepare and eating mostly my job over they but should be the people were distribute the beer to the people coming... end of story... now is the waiting to back to KK but instead directly back to Papar and shit happened again when we already at Putatan and turning on the air-cond causing the car to stop its engine with any warning.... but safely arrived at Papar... (30/12/1).. approach new year.. we having some barbeque out-side the house and in the ending of the years... and thats how its entering the jan 2013...

p/s its just story of lonely guy.